Raise your hand if you’ve ever fallen off the bus.
Keep it up if you’ve fallen off in the last month.
High and proud if it’s been in the last week, or even day.
I’ve been off the bus. And when I get off the bus, I feel the impact of crap all throughout my life. I feel it in my brain – I’m tired, unmotivated, and less than creative. I feel it in my body – my joints are stiff, my stomach is upset, and I ache. I feel it in my emotions – the depression fog creeps into my life, my self-worth is low, I’m susceptible to believing my inner gremlin when he says I have nothing to offer anyone. And for some reason, when these symptoms appear, my brain tells me that it’s food that will stop the feelings. The spiral begins here, and it’s a long way back up. This is where I am today.
When I feel like this, I crave balance. I crave the ability to do the things that keep me sane, that keep me positive, and let me believe I’ll get through another week. But that’s hard for other people to understand, and this week my trainer, Karen, challenged me to write down what balance means so that we could work together more effectively to achieve it.
Here’s what I came up with:
- Balance is more energized days than depressed days in a week, month, or year
- Balance includes regular, routine sleep patterns
- I need to practice yoga regularly
- I need time outdoors
- Balance is 1-2 drinks, not 8-10
- Every day needs: movement, meditation/reflection, engaging work, food that fulfills my body’s needs, not my mind’s needs
- Balance is equal reading to TV time
- Balance is interacting with professional colleagues to keep me focused and sharp
- Balance is interacting with friends and family to keep me in good humor
- I need to feel comfortable with food, rather than obsessed with it
Today, I’m a little overwhelmed by this list. But I am going to work on a plan for tomorrow, and next week. I am going to structure my day so that I can achieve the balance I crave. I know that things come up, and my ability to be flexible while maintaining balance will be a key to living the life I imagine.